


Can I be Him?

by lykelee171



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Bad boy Daniel, Committee President Jihoon, Cute boy Guanlin, Guanlin is too soft in this one, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Panwink focus, School Drama, Sorry Panwinkers, but Nielwink endgame, just a warning lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-19 00:04:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22602010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lykelee171/pseuds/lykelee171
Summary: Can I be the one you talk about in all your stories?Can I be him?Lai Guanlin has loved Park Jihoon since the first time he laid eyes on him. But Park Jihoon seems to have eyes on someone else.So he wants to take action. He wants to do something about it...maybe
Relationships: Kang Daniel/Park Jihoon, Lai Guanlin/Park Jihoon
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So on twt, my friends (lovely people) have been complaining of the drought. I mentioned a wip that I had, something that I have been working on for more than 6 months but never got far haha and for them, I have decided to just upload this.
> 
> WARNING: I don't think I will continue this fic tbh. As I draw inspiration from their real life personalities and interactions, writing for either of these 2 ships have remained stagnant and you guys know why hahaha
> 
> Maybe one day, if they breathe together again, I can finish this.
> 
> But for now, this shall remain a wip
> 
> ALSO THIS IS UN-BETAed so expect bad writing lol

All Guanlin could do was stare as Jihoon spoke. His lashes fluttered every time he blinked and he always found it adorable how forceful his blinks were; his eye corners always crinkled. Jihoons lips formed a pout, a sign of confusion, unease. Jihoon was speaking about something mundane, something about the upcoming school carnival, or something. But it was weird, and borderline creepy, that Guanlin knew that there was something else bothering him. He couldn't explain how but he just did.

His ears tuned out Jihoon's dialogue; he wasn't being rude, it was just what he did subconsciously whenever he wanted to focus on the fine details.  _ Or something _ . Guanlin grew a bit annoyed that he couldn't figure this out. He focused on the frown lines between his eyebrows, dipped down into those sparkly orbs commonfolk would call Jihoon's eyes when blurred fingers blocked Guanlin's view, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Yah, Lai Guanlin, are you even listening to me?" Jihoon asked, clearly spiffed about Guanlin's lack of attention. If only he knew it was the complete opposite.

"This whole college carnival thing is stressing me out. The committee seems to be pushing all the work to me! Like why did they even sign up to join the committee if they didn't want to participate in organising events?" Jihoon huffed, tossing the meeting's notes on the table dramatically like he was throwing a fit.

"To bedazzle their CV is what I'm guessing," Guanlin contributed. "It would look good." 

"Then why didn't you sign up too?" Jihoon vented out. "You need a good CV too."

Guanlin did submit an application;  _ it was for a different reason _ . But he had been rejected fairly early in the selection process, without even a chance at an interview.

Guanlin sighed, looking down at his already stale soda. He swirled his plastic cup distastefully, nose wrinkled in disgust. 

"Stop drinking so much soda. The sugar isn't good for you," Jihoon nagged.

"As if you are any better!" Guanlin retorted back, chin jutted towards Jihoon's bitter water. "Your caffeine consumption is reaching a dangerous level!" 

Jihoon smirked, mood lightened. A weird sense of pride swelled up in Guanlin's chest. 

"Last year, you could barely respond to me in Korean, and now you talk back to me so well!" Jihoon scoffed, chest moving to let out a deep chuckle. 

Guanlin laughed along.  _ That's because you didn't know then, hyung. And you still don't know now _ . Guanlin kept these thoughts to himself. Because nobody can know them. Especially not Jihoon.

They had gotten so close over the past year and that was progress Guanlin would never sacrifice for anything selfish. He's happy how they were. He's happy with Jihoon's happy.

Jihoon's face slowly rolled into a frown though as his gaze followed someone entering the cafeteria. The eye contact never breaks, trailing them until they sat down. 

Guanlin noticed Jihoon's lip curl between his teeth, sucking and nibbling. Before Guanlin could ask anything, Jihoon shook his head silently, as if fighting off an internal conflict. 

"Guanlin-ah, I'm heading to the library to study a bit. Are you done with your cola? I can toss it out for you on my way out?" 

"No need," Guanlin replied. "I'll come with. My locker is on the way anyway."

And so, both of them rose from their seats with their drinks in hand. They walked down the rows of tables towards the exit.

_ A stranger wouldn't have noticed this _ , Guanlin wanted to scoff bitterly at his plight as he trailed behind Jihoon's clearly calculated route through the cafeteria, eyes locked on that one person throughout.  _ Nobody would notice that Jihoon wanted to walk by them. Walk by  _ **_him._ **

As they walked past his back, Jihoon's gaze lingered, a second too long to pass off as nothing.

And that back was unmistakable, ocean-wide shoulders supporting his head, dusty brown hair cleanly shaved down at his nape.  _ He was someone who was used to getting stares _ , Guanlin figured. It was probably something that followed him left and right.

But Guanlin noticed the ever so slight stiffening of his spine as they passed, something that clued him that he had been watching  _ them _ too. 

No not  _ them _ , Kang Daniel was specifically watching Park Jihoon.  _ His Jihoon _ . 

  
  


Jihoon walked ahead of Guanlin, lost in his thoughts. Guanlin couldn't help but feel this sense of deja vu, taking him way back to the days when he crushed on Jihoon from afar. Jihoon's head was lowered to his feet, heels kicking with every slow heavy step. Guanlin desperately wanted to know what was on Jihoon's pretty pretty mind but dared not pry. He feared that whatever, or whoever, possessed his attention would hurt him. Guanlin already had a foreshadowing feeling of sorts. Maybe he should quit school and be a crystal gazer instead. 

Guanlin felt his eyebrows rise when Jihoon pulled out his phone, phone lit up and vibrating. 

"What?" Jihoon answered the call, so uncharacteristically impolite. "What are you apologising for?" 

Guanlin took a bigger stride to inch closer. 

"No." Jihoon shot back, startling Guanlin. Jihoon huffed and shoved his phone back into his pocket.

"Who was that?" Guanlin asked, although he already had a strong hunch of the answer. He was more intrigued by how he managed to get Jihoon so riled up.

Jihoon merely muttered under his breath, words melded together with so much frustration that they were indistinguishable. "No one you should concern yourself with," Jihoon turned to face Guanlin, finger wagging in warning. "Do you hear me? Stay clear of Kang Daniel. He is not a good guy." 

Guanlin blinked. O-okaayy? "What happened?" 

Jihoon took in a breath, but clammed his lips shut. He sighed, brows knitted together again. "Never mind. We don't need to care about him."

_...Was I supposed to care for him in the first place?  _ Guanlin was very confused. But Jihoon merely shook his head, like he was trying to shake off his thoughts, before walking towards the library..

_ It is impossible for someone like Jihoon to stop caring about anyone though? _

Something stirred in the pit of his stomach, and Guanlin couldn't help but wonder if he had caught the stomach bug. Or maybe, this was how he was going to manifest his psychic powers 

  
  
  


Because Jihoon was clearly bothered. 

  
  


And it must have bothered Jihoon for 5 whole hours because he approached Guanlin the first thing after their last class ended, backpack slung over his shoulder, ready to go home. "Guanlin-ah, I want to ask you something. This is not about me but a ...friend of mine. A very close friend. He is very bothered about this and asked me about this."

Guanlin held back a chuckle at the blatant overjustification. But he let it slide.  _ Because it was too adorable. _

"My friend is very concerned about his...um acquaintance. And he expressed his concern and that acquaintance got mad at my friend. My friend isn't at fault, right?"

Jihoon was leaning towards Guanlin now, eyes wide in anticipation for Guanlin’s response. Guanlin stroked his chin as he pretended to think about it. “I think I need more information than that.”

“He was just worried that this acquaintance did not show up for the last few meetings and asked about it. But when he offered him a bottle of water, he snapped back and walked away!”

“You must have pushed too hard,” Guanlin replied as he stuffed his belongings into his bag. “You care too much about other people and I know you want to help but many people do not want that.”

“What’s wrong with wanting to help others?” Jihoon exclaimed, eyes widened incredulously. “Since when does having a heart become a bad thing?”

“It isn’t,” Guanlin reassured Jihoon, rising from his seat to tower over his friend. “Daniel is wrong to act out on you. But knowing you, you probably said a few words Daniel wouldn’t like to hear either.”

Jihoon’s head dipped in remorse, “Because he said that he didn’t come because he didn’t want to. So I scolded him for that.”

“But you knew it was an excuse?”

Jihoon nodded. “I admit, I said some nasty things-- wait, I never said it was Daniel.”

Guanlin had to resist rolling his eyes. “Call it a gut instinct. One that is now proven correct.”   
  


Jihoon sighed. 

“All I know is that you are a great person,” Guanlin smiled. “And harsh words aside, any normal person would know you had good intentions.”   
  
“I said that his mother must be  **_so_ ** proud.” Jihoon’s head was dipped low.

“Now, that is a horrible thing to say.”

“I know.”

  
  
  
  


  
  


The next day was unbearable; Guanlin did not see Jihoon all day. He had been worried initially by his absence, but overheard his classmates mentioning him which reassured him that at least he wasn’t home, sick.

What  _ was _ more worrying was Guanlin’s overdependence on Park Jihoon. Just a few hours apart and he felt his heart ache a little.  _ Funny, because it was probably one-sided. _ That fact probably hurt him more.

He found himself taking more bathroom breaks than usual, purposefully walking past Jihoon’s class, eyes straining to locate the familiar muffin-shaped head.  _ Jihoon hates being described as that, _ Guanlin giggled internally.  _ But that's because he doesn’t know I mean in the most endearing way. _

Looking back now, Guanlin wondered how he managed to survive back then. He used to be content with just mere glimpses of him during lunch or between classes. This was before they even became friends. He used to swell up in happiness when they made eye contact. But he must have been over-exposed this past year since they had become friends because now, it was no longer felt like enough. And Guanlin figured that it was Jihoon's absence at lunch that made him restless. His classmates queried about his whereabouts, all accustomed to Jihoon's presence by Guanlin’s side. But Guanlin had no answer for them because he had no idea himself. Jihoon didn't reply to any of his texts.

Guanlin contemplated walking by Jihoon's classroom another time before the bell rang but decided against it in a feeble attempt to curb his "addiction". 

_ Abstinence _ , Guanlin tried to convince himself.  _ Sometimes quitting cold turkey is the way to go. _

  
  
  


But Guanlin soon regretted that decision. 

  
  
  


Because it was only 10 minutes later that he spotted the apple of his eye exit the storage closet behind Daniel, lips red and raw alike roses.


	2. Chapter 2

Jihoon stared at the male before him, vision blurring around him. He noticed the slightly tousled hair above his tensed up brows. They were 15, the only thing they should be stressing about were their grades. And based on what Jihoon had gathered throughout his past week of "mere curiosity", Kang Daniel didn't care about that. 

It could be that magnetic aura Daniel exuded that drew Jihoon's attention to him in the first place. And in combination to Jihoon's hypersensitivity to other people's emotions, he had begun to notice the subtle changes in Daniel's appearance over the past week. 

Yesterday, it was his eyes; Jihoon noticed that they were smaller, noticeably (to him at least) puffier. The corners of the whites held streams of red, not obvious on first glance since Daniel always had small eyes, but Jihoon spotted them whenever they met his.

The day before was his uniform. Daniel had on mismatched socks. One would think that that was an insignificant detail, but in combination with Daniel falling asleep in class, Jihoon thought it had to be significant.

Today, it was his hair. It was al-naturale today; there was no product. Daniel had always been very pale, but today, he was evidently so. Perhaps it was the effect of his undone hair. Perhaps, his hair was styled this morning but as the day progressed, his stress had messed it up. 

Regardless, Jihoon was worried. 

To be more precise, Jihoon had been worried for a whole week now, paying even more attention to Daniel's appearance.

When Daniel had arrived late to the council meeting last week, Jihoon felt it. Just one look at Daniel and his heart was overcome with the feeling of heaviness. Jihoon could never explain it, but it was like a sixth sense, a superpower.  _ A superpower I'd rather not have. _

"Nothing, I'm late just because," Daniel had said with an irritating smirk and attitude when Jihoon enquired. And just one look into Daniel's eyes, Jihoon knew that this wasn't true. 

As a fan of romance novels, Jihoon should know the cliche of "troubled bad-boy" well enough to stay away. But this feeling nagged at Jihoon. It nibbled away at his patience. It triggered something within him.

_ Because nobody else is seeing this!  _ This fact was fairly common. Afterall, teenagers are selfish people; their problems take precedent and "nobody ever understands". 

And it was this fact that bothered Jihoon.  _ If I don't help him, nobody else would. _

This propelled him to muster up his courage for a confrontation. He formulated an action plan in his head, preparing lines of dialogue and rehearsing them ten times over. 

When the lunch bell rang, Daniel rose from his desk, intending to head to the cafeteria. But Jihoon held his wrist captive, fingers locking around Daniel's slender wrist. 

The latter looked down with a frown. "What do you think you are doing?" 

"Come with me," Jihoon tugged Daniel out of their classroom and into the storage closet.

_ For privacy _ , Jihoon had rationalised. He assumed that Daniel wouldn't appreciate a public confrontation. 

But Jihoon forgot to take into account that there was no lighting where they were. Just 2 males, confined in a small face, noses apart because that isn't gay. Jihoon could feel Daniel's warm breath tickling his nasal bridge. He flushed.  _ Thank goodness there wasn’t any lighting. _

It was silent, none of them saying a word, expecting the other to speak.

It felt like ten minutes had past before Daniel asked, "What are we doing here?" 

"I want to apologise first," Jihoon began with a heavy exhale. "I am sorry for my harsh words that day at the meeting. And I am sorry for meddling. I am sorry for the bother." 

Jihoon awaited a response, but nothing came. If not for the sound of Daniel's breaths, Jihoon wouldn't have known if Daniel was there at all.

Jihoon wanted to continue, to speak and fill the silence. "I could tell that something was wrong and I tried to get it out from you. But you didn't want to. I am sorry for not respecting that."

Jihoon blinked in the dark, head still directed to the ground. His eyes were adjusting to the darkness now; he could see Daniel's twiddling fingers in front of him. 

_ One last try _ , Jihoon thought. "I understand now. I won't bother you anymore."

  
  
  
  


"Why do you care?" 

Daniel's voice was low and soft. To Jihoon, it sounded raw. Jihoon didn't dare sneak a peek of Daniel's face, he didn't want to see Daniel as sad as he sounded. 

"Because we are humans," Jihoon answered. It was the same answer he always gave whenever people asked him. It has become so routine that if you listened closely, you could hear a hint of boredom, almost. "Humans should help other humans. Why is that an unusual thing?”

Daniel nodded. And silence enveloped them again. Jihoon scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.  _ Of course, Daniel wouldn't want to share. Who do you think you are, Park Jihoon. _

They must have been in the closet for much longer than they thought because the bell rang, signalling the end of lunch period. This snapped Jihoon out of his trance.

Jihoon sighed and turned to reach for the door handle when he felt a tug of his wrist, causing him to stumble backwards into the chest of Kang Daniel. He looked up in shock, unable to react as Daniel dipped down to press his lips onto Jihoon's.

Daniel pulled back a little, head tilted as if measuring Jihoon's reaction with a small smile. 

"You made me miss lunch. Take responsibility and feed me," Daniel murmured before diving in for another.

  
  


Jihoon didn't know what came over him. All he knew was that he gave Daniel what he semmed to be asking for.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


That left Jihoon in a daze for the rest of the day. He learnt nothing in class, overly conscious of Daniel's eyes, like lasers against the back of his head. Before he knew it, the final school bell rang, and Jihoon stared at the empty page of his notebook and sighed. He hastily packed up his belongings to leave for his enrichment classes when a tall figure loomed over him.

He looked up, mouth slightly ajar in habit. "Guanlin-ah, what's up?" 

  
  


Jihoon didn't know how he did it, but he managed to keep what happened between them secret for at least another day. He evaded Guanlin's questions, diverting conversation topics poorly. He knew that the younger was suspicious but he took advantage of Guanlin's unobtrusive nature, shamelessly ignoring all the social cues that were like blaring alarms in his head.

He needed more time to think, especially since his mind had been completely blank since the  _ kiss _ . Just the thought of that made his chest tingle, head mush. It was undoubtedly his first, and it was taken in such a  _ damned _ manner. Never had he imagined that he'd lose his first kiss in  _ school, and in the storage closet no less! _

_ But was it a kiss? _ Jihoon wondered.  _ Or was that considered just a peck? _ He couldn't discern. The contact of their lips was  _ that _ overwhelming. Jihoon considered himself a logical person, but he couldn't be so sure anymore. He always believed that emotions are something one can control. With the control of your emotions, you can be the conductor of your own actions. 

_ But that kiss. _ That threw everything out the window. 

_ Why? _ Was his next question, although he hadn't even worked out the answer to his previous one.  _ Does Daniel like me? _ Jihoon was skeptical. That didn’t make any sense either.

_ Or maybe he just wanted me to shut up. Or maybe he wanted to gain an upper hand. He wouldn't put it past their school's resident bad boy to resort to such tactics.  _

And at that possibility, Jihoon felt the surge of anger in his system.  _ How dare he? _

It was a new record: 2 confrontations in the span of 2 days? From someone deadly afraid of them? It must have been the lack of sleep that night that caused this surge of adrenaline that took charge of his body. That adrenaline drive brought on more courage; Jihoon stormed straight to Daniel’s desk, whose owner had his head down for a nap, and slapped the back of his neck hard. Daniel shot up in shock, glare directed at Jihoon’s direction. “YAH!”

Jihoon crossed his arms across his chest. He felt his heart rate quicken as blood pooled across his cheeks. “You are seriously a jerk!”

Daniel stood up from his seat, chair scraping against the floor. He towered over Jihoon, but Jihoon never let himself lose eye contact. “Now sweetheart, why would you defame me like so?” Daniel spoke with a smirk.

That irked Jihoon more.

“I am not someone you can have your way with,” Jihoon said, taking a step forward. “I will pretend yesterday never happened. Just don’t you dare do it again.”

Daniel sniggered. “I thought we had a connection yesterday?” 

“This was a mistake,” Jihoon nodded to himself. “Guanlin has always told me this and it is proven true today.”

Jihoon stared straight into Daniel’s eyes, unblinking. “There is no point in helping people who don’t want the help in the first place. It is better to let them drown and die.”

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by the song by James Arthur. If you have never heard it, I strongly recommend you give it a listen! Also, this is strongly inspired by the dance cover by Sean Lew and Kaycee Rice to the song. Watch it, please. And you will feel warm and fuzzy inside.
> 
> My wannable journey has been a bit turbulent since the last time I was on ao3 but I guess Jihoon is my muse 😂. Just a warning for anyone expecting anything more, I feel like my inspiration for writing for W1 has slowly mellowed down (sorry)
> 
> I have shifted to new interests and, not to quote that tweet that people keep sending me but I have been busy with medical school for real hahaha. I have 1 year left to graduation and honestly, idk where all the time went. I am getting sappy now and this end note is looking more like a eulogy of sorts haha. W1 has been my saviour for a big chunk of med school. And I started writing for the first time, properly, because of them. They gave me an outlet to pour out the plots stuffed inside my head. They gave me a platform to make so many friends. They also made me happy. 
> 
> For now, honestly, this is a goodbye from me as a W1 writer haha. I am working on another LONG fic atm but it will be on WangXian (if you are curious, I suggest you watch The Untamed and then get hooked on the novel MDZS hahaha you won't regret it)
> 
> Come tweet at me anytime!


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